Episode #2: 5 Ways Women Over 30 Sabotage Love
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Hey guys. So I've put together an ebook and it's called The Five Ways Women Over 30 Sabotage Love.
So I guess what it's about is as you get older, it starts to feel like everyone you follow on social media is either married or getting engaged or they're expecting a child and your feed is flooded with all of these images of bright, shiny rings and new gold things and perfectly manicured hands and these extravagant first birthdays and anniversaries and what about those gender reveal parties that we're having at the moment? They're crazy.
But if your love life isn't what you thought it might be, it might not be that romantic comedy you dreamt of of when you were 13 or even when you were 25. It might not be that and that's okay because I mean most women in their thirties just really feel unlucky in love. And I think by identifying what's really truly going on for you in your love life, can it really help us find a solution to work out what's going on? And are you really sabotaging your efforts around your relationships?
So I thought, let's look at probably the five ways or five of many ways, but I've chosen the five top ways of women over 30 might be sabotaging their love and not giving it a real go or not putting themselves out there.
So let's look at the first one. The first one is sometimes women that are mature and been there and done that have been hurt a little bit, tend to think they know everything. Now I'm not saying that's everyone over 30 but there are those Ms. Know-It-Alls sometimes and let's get real. Nobody really likes a know-it-all.
And if you're finding yourself reading this as a woman over 30 who hasn't found Mr. Right or the right person then it's probably fair to say that you still got some learning to do about yourself. And probably men or women depending on which side of the fence you sit.
But an option would be rather than predicting how you think the relationship is going to go and cutting it short before it even begins, why don't you give it a chance to breathe and take its own form? You really have nothing to lose. So that's point number one.
If we're going on to number two, a lot of women that are single find themselves focusing on what others want. And what I mean by that is that you might find a really great guy and you go on a few dates and you're thinking, you know what, he could be the one.
But you find yourself agreeing with everything he likes. And the next minute you're jumping off a plane doing sky diving and you're afraid shitless of heights. It's that yes to everything that he likes and forgetting about what it is that you actually like or who you represent.
And this is a real recipe for disaster because what we're doing is we're focusing on what he wants and we're trying to look like we're his ideal partner but it's just not going to work because you're actually showing up as someone else and it's not long into that relationship that the cracks start to show and that you can't keep pretending to like everything he likes. And to be honest with you, it's actually probably a beginning of a bit of a toxic relationship. So I would check yourself before you wreck yourself on that one.
Number three is what women tend to do is assume men are all the same. Now this is a really good way to put your walls up when meeting men and protecting your emotions and your feelings when you go on a first date.
But if you're going into a first date subconsciously assuming that this guy you're meeting with is going to be shady or a player and you're not going to show up authentic around him because you're already thinking this way of him, you're actually already closing the door on a potential relationship. Like he could be a great guy.
I want you to remember before you're going into a date or in life in general is what you think about is what you bring about. So if you believe that that's the only thing around, mark my word, that's going to be the only thing that you see.
And number four is focusing all of your energy on your career. Now I totally get that. We are women of the 21st century and we're getting our own bread and we're making a name for ourselves in the corporate world and kudos to us.
But that doesn't mean we need to compromise, right? It doesn't mean that we need to sacrifice our love lives to achieve success. Life is all about balance, and when I say balance, it's balance of work, relationships, self-care. It's a balance of everything, not just work and relationships.
So how can we expect to have a great relationship when we're married to our work? There's no room for anyone else. And then we get frustrated. So I think we need to check what our diaries look like and how committed we are to work and if we've got room for someone to come in.
Number five is never leaving your comfort zone and obviously this doesn't mean you go skydiving when you really don't want to go sky diving but just because he's really cute you're going to do it. It's not that at all.
It's leaving your relationship comfort zone which means looking past how this person looks or how he presents on paper and finding out something just a little bit deeper about him. What actually puts fire in his belly? Where is he comfortable? How does he open up to you? Is he sharing with you? Do you get rapport? It's not sitting down and we do a checklist ticking off everything that he meets.
And getting out of your comfort zone is also getting out, getting outside. This guy's not going to show up or communicate with you just online. You need to get off the couch, get out of the kitchen. Just get out there and meet him. Get out there and spend some time with him and he may not be perfect in the beginning but neither are you. So I would suggest get out there and get to know him.
So that's five things that sort of come up for me when I speak to women that are struggling in relationships over the age of 30.
So whether you identify with one or a few of these reasons as to why you might be sabotaging your love life remember that being yourself is truly the best way to attract a soulmate. You're good enough for everyone and anyone that sees your true self and anyone that accepts your values of who you really are.
And that's really who you want to attract. You want to be attracting someone that fits in to your value system and has the same sort of outlook in life. And you may like different things like sports, foods and things like that but the baseline and the opportunity for connection through your values are really important.
So I hope that's been helpful. I look forward to seeing you guys again soon. Take care, I'm Dr. Lurve.
Love,
Dr. Lurve