Module 3 – The Four Stages
Lesson 1
The 4 stages: How men connect with women:
1. The Outward Connection
2. Shared positive emotions
3. Creating Space
4. Repeat Stages 1 – 3
Stage 1. The Outward Connection A man is explorative and can very quickly decide if he likes a woman or not. When he meets a woman, he feels attraction and wants to see where it goes. Men get excited at this stage because they like you and feel a spark. They can’t help but to want to see you all the time because it feels so good. Don’t let this scare you as it’s normal and the initial attraction is no indication that he will continue to feel that way, nor is it a sign that you will have a successful relationship. In the connection phase, men often go quickly from 0- 100, whereas women especially those with some past relationship dramas, can take longer to fall. Men know if they like a woman early on, whereas it can take a woman up to 14 dates to feel what a man can feel after 2 or 3 dates. Women often want to work through various steps, with every step being ticked off to prove the connection.
A man’s orientation in life tends to be more outward. They are explorative, results driven, likes to know next steps, opportunistic, risky, initiate, active, aggressive (not too much), competitive and dominant (not too much also)!
Explorative: all men are on a mission to work out what’s their purpose, his destiny and how that will impact his future tribe. This is the stage where he is looking for a mate, a date, a partner.
Results driven: Men like to know they have what it takes to get the job done, this includes making his woman happy. If he feels he can’t make you happy he will be exploring who he can. This is the stage where he figures out if he feels good enough for you, if you are in his reach, if he will even try, he hates to fail
Next Steps: Men are a little different than women here, most men are not inclined to savour meaningful experiences like their female counterparts. Not that they can’t but they are generally not wired to do so. They get the job done and like to plan for the next thing. Women are more wired to linger in the moment and more likely to savour meaningful experiences, like cuddling. This is where he makes his plan of attack, does he ask for your number or asks you out on a date? He plans what his next steps are.
Opportunistic: Most men are ‘Doers’. The opportunity to get things done excites him. His feelings about why he is doing it are less important to him at this stage than the urge to get what he wants! This is where he is focused on getting his first date, phone number or conversation with you. He is excited and feels confident.
Risky: he is willing to take chances. If you’ve ever seen a man do online dating, he will always swipe with a lady that he thinks look great, where as a woman will only swipe right with a man that she thinks will like her. Men are a little riskier, it’s a fundamental character. Evolutionary men took risks to hunt for resources. This is him approaching you, although optimistic he is still staking a risk that he will get rejected or you may not be a good fit after all.
Initiator: Most men (real men) like to take the ‘bull by its horns’. In other words, make things happen! It presumes that men have an innate willingness to be leaders. Although not exclusive to men, it is a characteristic that has been present in men over generations. Male leadership in healthy relationships gives a sense of balance and permission to the woman to lead as a woman and be feminine. This is the man initiating the contact with you, initiating the next type of contact, a call, a dinner, a coffee, lunch etc.
Active Aggression: This is actively and aggressively taking action. Physiologically the part of the male brain devoted to aggression and action is two-and-a-half times larger and more vital than that in the female brain. Men are built to be a little more aggressive in their action taking, don’t take offence. That’s why they sometimes come off a little strong, some more aggressive than others. This is the part when a man actively wants to see you, he knows he likes you quicker than you know if you like him.
Competitive and dominant: Men are the Hunters; they want ownership of tribal land and want to present dominance in order to elude his competitors. As long as the man is not competitive or dominant with you then it’s very healthy. Most women enjoy the drive, competitiveness and dominance of a man. It creates a sense of safety and security; they’ll fight for what they want. If that’s you, he’ll fight to get you and fight to keep you!