Module #6
Lesson 1 - Non- Negotiable Components
Relationships have an immense influence over our well-being and who you choose to be with in a relationship with has the biggest impact on your life. You need to choose well and know not all men are created equal. Not every guy you meet will want to make you happy either; some guys will want to enjoy your company without the commitment (this is fine if it suits you). However, if you’re looking for love and commitment then this isn’t the best fit.
Get clear understanding on what it is you want in a relationship and don’t compromise for fear of being alone and don’t move your boundaries just to be in a relationship. It’s important to know what you want and not to accept anything less.
There are three important components to a relationship and while chemistry is important, it’s not everything. It isn’t a predictor of a long-standing happy relationship and is only one component in a happy relationship if you are wanting more than a good time. You need a man who is also compatible and willing to commit; these are your non-negotiable components.
Getting caught up in the attraction and chemistry is fun but the excitement doesn’t last, these relationships make good short-term boyfriends unlikely to give you what you want long term. Unfortunately, you often accept the wrong man because you are blinded by the chemistry, the limerence, and you don’t see his inability to commit, his lack or care about your feelings or happiness.
Chemistry plateaus, it will be important that the other two non-negotiable components are evident in your choice of man. Choosing someone that will be there for you through the good and the bad times, when you’re unwell, down, or feeling flat. This trumps the chemistry and bedroom stomping. I acknowledge that it is easy to fall for the wrong man, sometimes you’re too far into it before you realise. Being with a man who wants a relationship with you, will always care about your feelings and wanting to make you happy is important.
Use these tips to help you stay true to your non-negotiables:
1. Notice the red flags!
We are always told to look for the positives in life, if we notice and focus on the negatives that’s what we will get. However there could be a payoff when noticing the negatives over the positives in the early days of dating as the negatives could be the answers to the RED FLAGS dilemma you’re needing!
This doesn’t mean you go on a date looking for the worst, but it is a reminder to give yourself permission to notice what happens when you meet that man you have chemistry with. Chemistry makes things blurry, it enhances the positives over the negatives and throws all rational thinking out the window, and you make decisions based on raw attraction. This is where we get stuck, chemistry can move the boundary posts for the red flags, sometimes making them okay or justifying why they are there. The chemistry of infatuation is so intoxicating that we ignore the early warning signs that something is not right – this something will come up again over time, even years later. That’s why you need to be sure he ticks all three non-negotiable components. Chemistry, compatible and committed!