Module 1: YOU
Lesson 1 -You are the most important variable in the dating game! All relationships start with you!
Yes, whether it’s your relationship with yourself, others, or a powerful connection with a man, at the end of the day it starts with you. We will spend some time working out what makes you happy, what floats your boat and what lights your fire.
One of the many things my clients forget about is themselves during their unsuccessful dating journeys. Women often forget who they are, what they like and what they stand for, losing themselves in toxic relationships or a toxic mindset.
#1 Valuing Self
All good relationships start with you, there is no relationship without the you!
Relationships are a two-way street; it is how we relate and connect to the world and how the world connects with us. The quality of these relationships are based on how you feel about yourself.
To be able to connect with a someone, particularly a man, you need to have a strong connection with self first. You must be able to value, love and believe in yourself rather than needing someone else to make you feel good.
If you want to be treated better, you have to start treating yourself better. If you want to be truly loved, you’ve got to start loving yourself. When you are able to love, value and accept yourself, you can then accept the healthy love you crave.
Believe it or not, healthy men love to be around women who have healthy self-worth and self-esteem. The heaviness of being around someone who doesn’t feel good about themselves repeals a man who wants a healthy relationship. I’m sure you have come across someone who just tries too hard to be liked, loved or included and it just doesn’t feel good to be around them!
In fact, that type of behaviour probably has you avoiding them. It’s like they are not only using their energy but also yours in trying too hard! They are striving to fill a gap of unmet needs with all the wrong things, normally resulting in the realisation that no-one can ever meet their needs or fill the gap for them.
We often hear about self-love, it’s so cliché right now. But when I talk about self-love or valuing self, it has nothing to do with being full of yourself or thinking you are better than others. It is just the quiet voice inside you that assures that you are enough.
#2 Value and Perceived Value
Have you ever been given a gift from someone that is worth a high dollar amount, but it held no value? This is value’s perceived value. I see this often in toxic relationships when the purchase of gifts and lavish holidays make up the honeymoon period (the time after the storm when they are making up for their wrongdoings).
These, although high in monetary value, lose value for the woman whom receives them. It means nothing anymore; it holds no value. This is the same for you – you don’t have to have the best of everything to perceive yourself as being valuable.
As you move through this program, one of the most important lessons will be learning to think of yourself as incredibly valuable! Quickly, you will start to realise that when you do this, you radiate a different vibe. You will also find that other people start to see you that way; if you’re setting that bar for yourself, you might as well set it high!
Just like the lavish gifts and holidays, this is not about how you look on the outside but how you feel about yourself deep down. It is being able to see that you are worthy, you are worth someone’s time, and you are worthwhile.
When I talk about perceived value, this means that something is only as valuable as people perceive it to be. The harder things are to come by or the rarer something is, the more people want them – this doesn’t just apply to objects, but people too.
The more rare or expensive paintings, clothes, jewellery, bags, cars or anything is, the more people will want them, sometimes doing anything to get them!
There is no one in the world like you, you are unique and one of a kind. Many women strive to be like someone else, but it is a losing battle. They are different and so are you, you can never be the same. You are truly irreplaceable, it’s time to own your individuality, your own DNA makeup and be your own best friend.
When you depend on anything outside yourself for value, you devalue your self- worth. You also hand over control of how the world interacts with you. It is important to know your own value and not be dependent on anything outside of you to give you your value. Your value isn’t changed by whether or not someone sees it, and this is a continual setback I see many women face when in relationships. If you want a loving relationship, you need to learn how to take emotional responsibility for yourself.
This means:
♥ Learning to access love from self, rather than expecting someone else to be your source of love
♥ Learning to take loving action for self, rather than expecting it from others
♥ Learning to accept and feel your emotions and feelings in your body rather than avoiding them
♥ Trusting your intuition and open to understanding what your feelings are telling you rather than judging them
♥ Owning your emotions instead of protecting or judging yourself or distracting yourself with various behaviours or addictions.
When a woman can interact with the world from this place you become a magnetic force for a healthy man. Rather, this is the complete opposite when you try to impress a man or win him over.
Not only will that attract an unhealthy relationship, it will deplete you and eventually make you unhappy. In fact, when you realise how perfect you are, you give out a different, positive energy; one that is encapsulating and ignites the curiosity of a man, but also one that empowers you to only accept a high standard of behaviour and treatment from anyone.